You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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