just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We have so much sex to catch up on
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
