All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
