I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
