...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
