whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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