Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We were destined to go to rehab together
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
