i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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