That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Someone shattered a urinal.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
