just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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