it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
