he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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