Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru

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(206): View more from Washington

i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man

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(813): View more from Florida

for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!

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(520): View more from Arizona

you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.

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(949): View more from California

You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.

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(509): View more from Washington

As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.

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(773): View more from Illinois

The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through

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(706): View more from Georgia

I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...

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