I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This is the high leading the old right now
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
