im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
