my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
