Don't make out with my wife yet
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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