There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
