If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
