I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
