she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
