At least make sure they are 18
Why
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
