Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
