God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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