And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
