im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize