apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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