I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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