Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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