my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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