thus making me awesome and them whores
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
