Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
