i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
