So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
