Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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