if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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