Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
