So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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