I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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