No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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