I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
