God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
