So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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