I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
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So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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