I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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