the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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