Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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