I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize