A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
