I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
