Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
