A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
