You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize