i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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