suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
