I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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