I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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