Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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