If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
