She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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