So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
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