If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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