I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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