The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
