dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just made my gag reflex go away.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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