I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
