I wish i was in the wii world.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
