I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
